Okay, so I didn’t get a T-shirt, but D-Day is done. I survived. A couple hours before I left to go, I started freaking out, hyperventilating, and basically having a panic attack. It was insane. I talked to my best friend, who just kept telling me to breathe. I mentioned that I’d probably be fine after I was there a couple of hours. I was wrong. I was fine after about 15 minutes. Not too shabby, I guess. But then the fun really started.
Within the first hour I heard so many different things. Words like “Department of Defense”, “terrorists,” and “federal property.” Those were bad enough. I swear, it all sounded like the men in black would jump out of the shadows at any moment. And then there was “active shooter.” Holy crap, Batman! I almost peed myself. Seriously! (Okay, maybe not seriously). And the badges. Badges? We don’t need no.. oh.. wait. Yes, we really do. Want to leave? Swipe the badge. Want to come in? Swipe your badge to open the doors. Then again a few feet later to go through the turnstiles. Yes, you heard right. There are turnstiles. By halfway through the night I expected to see a subway train come breezing through or something. Swipe, swipe, swipe. Everywhere you go, swipe the badge.
And the worst (best, maybe) part? Apparently everyone knew there was a new QA person coming. They just didn’t know who. After one of the breaks the trainer was like “Are you the QA guy?” When we toured the building and passed my department, everyone was asking “Which one is the new QA?” I sheepishly raised my hand. For the rest of the night, whenever QA was mentioned, everyone turned to look at me. That’s right, minions! Bow down and worship me. Or fear me! Or don’t. I don’t really care. It was a wee bit funny, though. Of course, it didn’t help when my supervisor came into the classroom during training, pulled me to the side and gave me different instructions. Or told me “Don’t worry about such-and-such, we do things differently in our little bubble.” Or said “When training is done and you graduate, I’ll come pull you out of class to meet the rest of the team.” Yeah, I don’t feel conspicuous or anything. Not at all!
Okay, I may make it sound horrible and scary. It’s really not. So far everyone I’ve met seemed quite nice (except the guy that said “if there is an active shooter situation, policy is that you remain in your area.”) Umm, what the..? Remain in my area? Sure. As long as my “area” is the one labeled “throw a chair through the glass doors and run out of the building screaming like a little girl.” Sure. No problem.
All joking aside, it was a somewhat boring night (Oh my God, the paperwork and evals), but most of it was interesting, at least. For the last couple of hours I wasn’t sure I’d make it. Ever sit in a classroom until midnight? Thank God for coffee (which, coincidentally is NOT allowed in the classroom tomorrow.. sigh!)
Tomorrow. New day. New adventures. Maybe new passwords into the system that actually work. For tonight, am off to bed.
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