Dear little me,
It’s me.. you.. from the future. I need to tell you a few things. Now, don’t get scared. Don’t freak out and drop off the face of the planet. It’ll be okay. It’ll all be okay. But just listen for a few minutes, and let me explain a few things to you..umm, me. Whatever.
First, your childhood is going to suck. I mean, really suck. Your parents won’t want you. Your other family will treat you like shit. You’ll get abandoned time and time again. It’ll be scary. It’ll be lonely. It’ll hurt like hell. Your father will disappear. Your mother will give you away. Your uncle will drop you off in a hospital parking lot in the middle of the night and tell you to never come back home, all because he’s drunk. After your grandmother dies you’ll witness your grandfather lay on the living room floor with a shotgun and a photo of your grandmother, because he misses her. You’ll eventually end up in foster care and, for a while, it’s going to suck worse than anything you’ve ever imagined. You’ll be beat, hit, disregarded, ignored, thrown away like a piece of garbage. You’ll watch one of your foster brothers hang himself, and you won’t be able to do anything to help. You’ll feel helpless and useless. You’ll be passed around, you’ll be made to feel worthless, and you’ll be filled with anger, hatred, and rage. You’ll feel like the entire world is against you, and in some ways, you’ll be right. But, eventually, things will start to come together for you. You just have to give it time. After going through a few different foster families, being moved around, never making any friends, never having a stable, safe environment, you’ll be placed with a family that actually cares, and wants the best for you. That’s when things will begin to turn around for you, although you won’t realize it for a very long time. It’s going to be a very long, hard, challenging road, but you’ve gotta stick in there. It may not seem like it now, but it will get better.
After high school things will appear to calm down for you, but don’t let your guard down. Everything isn’t as it seems. Life will seem grand. You’ll think you’re happy. You’ll think that you’ll have everything you need. You’ll get married. You’ll have kids. You’ll do many stupid things (don’t worry, none of them are really deal-breakers. After all, they all help define you.) And that marriage will eventually crumble. Why? Because you’re going to get married way too young, you won’t have a clue what you’re doing and, honestly, you won’t care. But, things will get better.
Over the years you’ll have a lot of experiences. Some of them good, some of them bad. Don’t give up. Learn from them, and move on. Don’t let all of these things determine who you will be. I know, I know. It’s like telling a dog not to bark, or a cat not to be evil. I know these words are going in one ear and out the other because they happened, didn’t they? I’d like to warn you, to tell you not to fall into certain traps, but I can’t. I can’t interfere because all of these things made you.. me.. who we are today.
Just, do me a favor? Watch out for these things, will ya? These things also help define who you are going to be, but they’re going to be hard to deal with.
When you’re 16, your brother is going to go to a party. He’ll get drunk. And he won’t come back home. You’ll be devastated because he was the only one who really understood what you were going through. You’ll get woke up on Mother’s Day by a knock on the door. Be ready, be strong, and remember.. you’re going to be okay.
When you’re older your only sister, your flesh and blood, will pass away and you’ll be one of the last to know. That’s because you’ll have spent many years by that point ignoring her, not talking to her, being angry at her. You won’t even remember why anymore. Just.. stop. Don’t do it. Call her. Tell her you’re sorry for being stubborn. Tell her you love her. Make things right, before it’s too late. Because trust me, if you don’t, you’ll regret it every single day for the rest of your life.
A couple years later your best friend, your “brother from another mother” is going to leave you as well. And you won’t find out until it’s too late to go to his funeral. Stay in contact more. Don’t let so much time pass by without talking to him. When he’s gone, you’ll feel like you’re missing your confidante. Again, you’ll be okay.. but you’re never going to be the same again.
There will be many times in life that you lose your faith. Times that you deny God. Times that you give up. Times that you want to just go to sleep and never wake up. Things will get bad.. really bad. You’ll have to call your daughter to come take away all of your pills because you just don’t trust yourself to have them. You’ll face the darkest period of your life, and you’ll have nobody to talk to, nobody to reach out to. You’ll feel empty, you’ll be ready to completely give up.. and then things will change.
God will touch you. He’ll make himself known, and you’ll have no choice but to believe. And when you do, when you finally find your faith again, He’ll start to do some truly miraculous things in your life. He’ll bring you up out of your darkness.. your despair, and he’ll make you stronger than you’ve ever been. He’ll let you fall down low for a while, but in the end He’ll bring you up higher than ever. And when He does, hold on, younger me, because you’re in for one hell of a ride!
When that ride starts, enjoy it. Cherish it. Remember where you came from, and be happy. Until then, though, hang in there. It’ll be bad.. a lot. But it WILL get better. Just hang in there. It’ll take time. But you’ll be okay!
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