I’m a bit of a complicated person, honestly. Like most people I have a side to me that others usually don’t get to see. I don’t let them. On the exterior I’m a brash, hard, take-no-crap kind of guy. But on the inside, the part that I choose to keep hidden from pretty much everyone unless I know them very well, I’m quite different. That side of me is sensitive. It’s caring. It’s willing to do anything to make others happy. It’s willing to suffer any amount, just to see a smile, to feel loved. That side of me gets me in trouble sometimes. But it’s that side of me, though, that’s the real me. You see, the “other” me, the one most people see, is a facade, a ruse, a mask that I wear to keep from getting hurt.
The mask, the “other me”, is a bland existence. It’s no fun. It’s necessary, really, because that part of me needs to keep people at a distance. That Dennis doesn’t want to open himself up to potential risk, pain or rejection. So, he simply doesn’t. He keeps everyone and everything at arms length, and refuses to let anyone in. He’s been that way his entire life, and it’s worked well for him for the most part. It keeps him from getting hurt because, quite frankly, if you keep everyone at a distance, then they can’t bother you. If you don’t care, then it doesn’t hurt. It can’t. That’s the way it works. If you build up your walls, then you’re safe from the invading forces of sorrow and misery that could potential threaten to wash over you and bring you down. And trust me, I’ve built some grand walls over the years. These walls would put Qin Shi Huang’s Great Wall of China to shame. Barbarians were able to cross that protective barrier and invade “the Red Dragon.” But my walls? No, they’re secure. They’re safe. They’re an emotional representation of Gandalf the Grey, standing tall and wide, screaming “You shall not pass!”
Except, they’re not secure. They’re not safe. They’re not actually able to keep out the invading hordes. Because, at the end of the day, they’re not real. Sure, they may work for a time, they may help keep me safe, but the real me, the one who actually cares, the one who wants to love and be loved, doesn’t want them. And so, these walls aren’t actually that great. In every wall there are chinks, small areas that aren’t quite complete, or are damaged, that can be used as an entryway. These chinks can be dug out, expanded, and eventually breached.
And that’s where the real Dennis comes in. The real me waits right on the other side of that wall, waiting for whoever manages to dig through. And yes, the potential risk is there on the other side of the wall as well. The danger is there. The threat of pain is there. But the real me? The one that matters? He doesn’t care. He’s willing to risk it, because anyone who can break through those walls, find those chinks and exploit them, is worth having on this side of the wall. Eventually these walls may not be necessary at all. But until then, they stand, tall and proud, ready to fight back the masses.
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